The other day I asked for people to send in topics that they would want me to write about. It was interesting because I thought that majority would be about something different, but over and over it seemed to be about this subject. Maybe it’s because God knew that it was a moment like this in my life where I needed to sit down, think, and write this.
Someone asked, “How do you become on fire for God?” and another asked “What do I do if I feel bored in my relationship with the Lord?” And as I sat down to start to write this, my eyes felt as if they could bawl, and yet they were dry. I guess the reason why is because I’ve been there. I know that feeling. I know what it feels like to feel like God is far, to feel like the prayers have been prayed and yet there is an overwhelming silence. Which led me to feeling as if my relationship with Him was stagnant. And I desperately pursued a quick fix, a fire that would burn and satisfy my heart quickly.
But over the years, I have written in my own personal journal about this exact issue. I asked God where he was over and over, and at times I wondered if I was speaking too much to even let Him speak.
My time in reading the word felt dry, boring, or as if I was oil and it was water. There was a separation. Why was it not absorbing or making an impact?
My dad recently spoke a message about tips on how to read scripture and he taught me the term “peshat” which means literal, or surface reading (this is 1/4 words that rabbi’s use for explaining how to read the Hebrew word/Bible). For years I read the Bible and listened with “peshat.” There wasn’t much depth to what I read. I still walked away with something, and don’t get me wrong, it was still good. But there came a point where my mind and heart craved more. More than just the quick satisfaction. I wanted meat. I wan’t more than milk. I began to read the word, but beyond reading it, I began to study the Bible. I wanted to understand what the words meant, what the meaning of the text was behind the authors that wrote the book.
I began to read the Bible and listen to podcasts, sermons, read study books, and more to bring a greater understanding to the original language to the text. Through doing that, I realized that my perspective was widening and my understanding was deepening. The more I learned, the more I realized how little I know, which sparked even more interest to continue to gain wisdom in this area.
If you’re reading the word of God it ought to change you. If you are reading the scriptures and walking away without absorbing what God’s narrative is, it does not mean that there isn’t life changing knowledge within it, it means you’re reading it on the surface level. I want to challenge you to go deeper.
Before I open the word of God, I pray. I ask that God would open my eyes and my ears to learn more of Him. And there have been days where I have asked God to give me strength in my faithfulness because on some days it’s not as easy.
Have you ever thought about how God created healthy food and yet there is also really unhealthy yummy food on this earth? Sometimes its easier to grab the unhealthy chocolate bar and run out the door. But if we focus on what our body is actually craving, we would see that it was desiring magnesium and that would have satisfied long term… this is a really random comparison but it’s how my mind works. I realized that for a while I was reading the chocolate bar version of the Bible, rather than the spinach magnesium rich version. It was quicker. It satisfied for a moment.
But God calls us deeper. Just because it’s more difficult doesn’t mean it won’t be worth the struggle to get there. Pray for faithfulness. Pray for a depth of understanding. I love you and I’m learning too. We aren’t alone.
Thank you for reading,