I’ve missed you. How have you been? This letter will be a brief catch-up. I will be posting a new letter each Monday. I would love for you to write back in the space below. Since we last talked our world has really shifted. The darkness feels darker. But the light is still more powerful.
It’s been a pretty rainy summer here in the DC area. How has it been for you?
Nothing like talking to an old friend and feeling a bit nervous the first few minutes and bringing up weather talk. Ha…that’s what I’m doing.
I’ve been so intimidated to come back to this space but also craving it. Allow me to be vulnerable with you. Maybe you will relate. The past two years of my life have been interesting. I came out of a pretty successful 2019/2020. I would probably consider that time my “peak” in some ways, as well as still walking through some hard times but things were starting to look up. I got married. I was consistent in blogging, I finally finished the legal battle after the accident we were in, and I felt a sense of newness. I was writing for LO sister. And then the world sort of flipped upside down. But that couldn’t stop me from the joy I felt and excitement for my future. I was practicing driving and starting to get more comfortable (it was still very emotional and difficult but I was doing it)! But then slowly the discouragement did begin to seep its way into my heart and mind. The same feelings I’m sure you have felt the past couple of years, “goodness, the news is continually bad.” Or- “wow, social media is changing drastically and the world feels as if it’s speeding up.” I also saw Luke walking through new grief as he worked in the ICU during the hard part of the pandemic. We both needed time to adjust.
When I turned 25, I had less interest in sharing and more interest in learning. 26 has felt similar, but also a lot of growth. I desire to be creative again. I’m excited to share in this space more.
I advocated for myself to come off of my antidepressant medication (I had been on it for 4 years) because I felt that my mind and body weren’t responding well to it anymore and it was the season to come off. It took me a full year to come off. It was brutal, to be honest, but I also did it. I had so much perseverance in that season.
Since then my health hasn’t been great. Mentally, I feel so much better in a lot of ways. But physically I have been fatigued, struggling with bad insomnia, my hormones are imbalanced, my gut is bad, and I’ve been stressed. Luke has walked through similar feelings due to high stress from work.
We moved to our apartment in May 2022! We are now about 30 minutes from our family (which is just about the distance & how long it takes to get anywhere in the NOVA/ DC area). The week we were moving I got Covid and right after we moved, Luke got it. Great timing! Ha. But we are in a new apartment that we are absolutely loving and the transition has been natural and fun. I especially love the farmer’s markets & local food in the area.
So, where are we now? We are currently really making efforts to care for one another and say “Yes” more. We noticed how when we both don’t feel well it’s been easier to not go out, not really do anything different and play it safe. But then we both started going stir crazy. Maybe we needed that time to stay isolated…but we don’t want to and shouldn’t stay there for long.
I am working with my friend who is a Nutrition Practitioner. I’m experiencing a new eating plan, lifestyle changes, and more. For the first time, in a really long time, I’m feeling SO hopeful for healing. It’s really exciting for me. Luke is doing the plan with me so that he can heal too + it’s so encouraging to not do it alone. I’m grateful for him.
I have been talking with Luke, my sisters, and my parents about “my passion” and where I find joy. I was talking to them about how I would love to know what I am “good at.” After writing out a ton of things that bring me joy, what I love talking about, and what I am passionate about…we saw similarities between each of the things I loved. I love all the roles of being a family woman: I love being a wife, sister, and friend. I love writing, reading/ studying/ teaching about the Bible, flowers, animals, nature, laughing, cozy places, coffee, tea, conversations, encouraging others, and music. I got so stuck trying to find a “niche,” a perfect role for me to fill, when God has placed all of this within me as a gift.
It’s okay if it’s not the role that the world preaches as successful. I have dreams of being a great wife (and one day a wonderful mother), a great friend, daughter, sister, and honestly- that is my passion! I’ll never forget when I was in 6th grade I failed a test. My teacher called me out into the hallway and she said, “Taylor, I am not calling you out here to talk to you about your grade. But I do want to say that I noticed you really love and value your family. That is a gift. Some others will push for higher grades and jobs. And you can do that too… but you have a passion and love for your family. That is a gift.” I’ll never forget that. I felt seen. That moment in the hallway re-entered my mind recently as I was pushing to find a job/role I could be successful at.
I also asked Luke if he ever thought about my work ethic or what occupation I would have prior to marrying me. For some reason, I felt worried that he would have a different expectation for me. He said, “I married you because I saw someone who would be a great wife and mother.” And it clicked, he saw that in me too. A woman who loves her family.
I’ve been thinking a lot about “roots.” We have been looking for the roots of my health problems. I was looking at what my passions are, what I love talking about, what content I love, what my desires seem to lean towards, etc. I’ve been watering and strengthening my spiritual roots during the past year to two. I have never been good at consistency until the past two years. Something about advocating for myself opened my eyes to see how I CAN do it. I just need a small moment of courage each day to make the right choice. The past two years when I felt like I had nothing to share, I was studying and reading which put me into a great place in my relationship with Jesus. It’s been really sweet. I’ve battled walking away from social media, but after much time praying & thinking about it with family + friends, I have that desire to share again in a healthy + encouraging way. It’s a part of my roots, encouraging others in their relationship with Jesus… and making them laugh!
What are your roots? Are your roots helping or harming you? What makes you stronger? Write me back below! 🙂 What brings joy and passion? I am excited to write back to you on Monday.
Thanks for reading,