I looked back through some old journal entries and I found this one that encouraged me all over again today. I wrote this a year or two ago. When I wrote this, I was thinking about what it feels like as a believer who is walking through pain, shame, guilt, anxiety, depression, hurt, and where that comes from. It all stemmed from what I believe the woman at the well must have been feeling or thinking. So with all of that, I wrote those thoughts out, to possibly encourage someone else who may be feeling this way.
So welcome to my journal…
“My past keeps creeping into the center of my thoughts. My hurts, my sins, my pain. Issues are coming to the forefront of my mind that have already been worked out. My words that I’ve spoken to others that have brought hurt, repeat. The words others have spoken to me are on replay. And it’s painful. I see a pattern.
The moment I feel as if I’m finally moving forward, a wave of pain crashes over me. Why? Is God not with me? Have I not given it to God? Why do I continue to be reminded of the hurt as if I am going through it all again?
Do you understand those feelings? It may be a pain from two days ago, two weeks ago, or twenty years ago. You feel like you’ve given it to God, you’ve fought it already, and yet it KEEPS creeping in.
That’s because that’s the one thing satan keeps. Don’t give him any power. My phone gives him too much credit by even capitalizing his name through autocorrect. But guess what? That’s just it, satan can only keep and hold onto so much because he doesn’t have the power to hold YOU. But he grips onto your past to try to shape your future. But thankfully, JESUS does not do that.
You’ve walked through it, you’ve let Jesus in, and you’ve let others in…satan grips the past…because he doesn’t have the magnitude and power Jesus does! satan tries to grip your past to shape your future, but he has no power to do so. Call it out! I have literally said out loud the moment those thoughts and pain come into my mind, “satan leave. You have no hold on my mind, my heart, my future and my life.” And then I always declare Jesus’ name because satan fears His name, because he realizes He’s more powerful. I follow it with, “Jesus take over. Jesus you’re my healer, Jesus you’re THE power.” And to throw a couple more punches I say, “JESUS. JESUS. JESUS!”
When I was little and would lay down on my pillow, I would close my eyes and see scary images. I remember hating that and being scared to close my eyes. So I jumped out of bed and ran to my mom. My mom taught me a trick. She said, “Tay…you know that the enemy is weak?” I looked at her and gave her the answer I assumed she wanted, “yes?” She said…”well satan is fearful of Jesus’ name because Jesus is so strong.” And I thought to myself, “okay…so now what?” And she said, “Tay…when you feel like the enemy is trying to sneak into your thoughts, stand up and stomp and call out to Jesus, ‘Jesus! JESUS!’ And satan will run and flee.” As a little kid I thought it was pretty cool because it made it real to me, and made me realize the power of Jesus. I’m 22 and in the night when the enemy tries to sneak into my thoughts, I call out to the head of the Army, “JESUS!” Inviting Him in to fight the enemy. And He does. He fights and the enemy flees. satan keeps kicking cause he’s scared of losing that control. But we know that Jesus has more power and can knock him out just by one of His followers declaring his name, “Jesus!”
I feel as if our pain that constantly bubbles over through out our life is pushed way down to create this image as if we have no past or failures. And satan has a devious plan to keep returning to that.
Something I love about Jesus is that He walks up to someone already knowing their pain and their sins and calls it what it is, and yet still shows love and brings freedom to the situation, He doesn’t keep you to those hurts. He brings freedom.
The woman at the well that Jesus approached in Samaria had a past. Jesus was not meant to stay and walk into Samaria and yet He goes right into a place where others would rather go around. Jesus approaches the woman and asks for a drink. A Jew asking a samaritan woman, which at this time was a big no-no. This was a woman who had sin defining her life. I wonder if she was sure that this man Jesus would KEEP her to that pain? But He didn’t, in fact He told her about living water, symbolizing that there is something better than the water she is living off of. Before she could even say her past, Jesus told her. He already knew. And He didn’t keep her to it. He stayed in Samaria for two more days and told others who He was showing them He was not keeping them to where they were, but bringing them to a place where they could worship the true God. (Read John 4 for the full story)
“The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”
There are many things that are beautiful about Jesus. One thing that always sticks out to me is that Jesus doesn’t keep us where we are but brings us to a place of healing and life giving water.”
Call it out with Jesus so that satan has no grip to keep your past defining you.
Questions to ask yourself:
Am I keeping myself to my lowest?
Is the enemy continually reminding me of my pains?
Am I inviting Jesus to bring me to a new place?
I just want to encourage anyone who may be going through a season where they feel stuck, or like they are rehearsing old sins, old failures, or old hurts. The enemy would like to keep you to that, but I believe that Jesus has a bigger plan and can use that pain to bring you to a new place. I am praying for you and know that Jesus’ living water is available, and the BEST, because it continually flows and brings you to a new place.
Thank you for reading,