02/10/2018

Relationship Q&A: MEN ONLY

Title is a bit of a click bate, but I can’t lie, it probably worked…every girl probably clicked on that link so fast. Guys were probably intrigued and want to see what sort of things Luke would say. But it also is partly true, because these questions were asked by men and will be answered by a man.

This weeks blog is a special one because I am handing it over to Luke to answer all the questions that people sent in about relationships (from a guy’s perspective).
I must admit, this was very interesting for me to sit back and let him do it all.

The guy even said, “Since I am a blogger this week, can I get a photo shoot?” As a joke…but you better believe that was already apart of my plan. And we had to make sure it was super manly…so of course we got out the Colony House shirt, dark ripped jeans, and a motor scooter.

So, now… I hand it off to Luke. Take it away, Lucas.

 

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Q1. How do you tell a girl that you like her?

A1. My expertise of this goes back to high school, so I’d probably get a white poster board and paint “will you go to homecoming with me?” Haha, this is the worst advice I will give in this entire blog. All jokes aside, just be genuine. No need to go overboard or plan something super spectacular. I think girls just want to feel cared for, thought about, and taken care of.


Q2. How did you know you wanted to date Taylor? 

A2. We had been best friends for a long time, even sharing our other crushes with each other. Before any sort of “romance,” she was truly my best friend. As we grew together in trust and friendship, I couldn’t help but want to be with her. Even though we were so young, there was something so tangibly different about her, and I didn’t ever want to let that go.

Q3. How do you balance time with your girlfriend and time with your friends?

A3. This is definitely a tricky one. I think it’s important to make sure you don’t isolate yourself from your guy friends, but you want to make sure you’re investing serious time and effort in your relationship with your girlfriend. There’s a healthy balance. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be with your friends, and she should spend time with hers as well! Luckily for me, my guy friends love Taylor, and Taylor loves my guy friends!

Q4. What would your advice be for high school sweet hearts?

A4. Patience, patience, patience! Love each other through the changes and growth.

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Q5. Do you think it’s bad to date a girl with different religious or political beliefs?

A5. The Scriptures are pretty clear about being unequally yoked. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” For Taylor and I, our shared beliefs in Jesus are our foundation, our solid rock.

That being said, politics is a whole different ball game. In my opinion, political leanings stem from different interpretations of moral beliefs. It’s important to share similar values especially when thinking about getting married/raising future children. Tay and I don’t always line up politically, but our underlying values and morals align pretty emphatically.

Q6. Does it scare you to be committed to a girl for the rest of your life?

A6. I think this question is natural for anyone, but the more and more I’ve known Taylor and seen the posture of her heart towards others and the way she’s loved me, I can’t imagine being with anyone else.

 

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My face when I read all of these questions.

 

Q7. What does male leadership in a dating relationship look like vs. what it looks like in a marriage? Do girls often get these two confused and have unrealistic expectations? How did you lead Taylor in dating, and how do you lead her in engagement? 

A7. The Bible is pretty clear about leadership in marriage, but there aren’t clear instructions for dating relationships. A lot of Christian girls are under the impression that males are supposed to fully lead them prior to marriage, and I don’t believe that is necessarily appropriate.

It is the individual’s responsibility to make sure that they are growing in their relationship with Jesus and being spiritually fed. I think there’s a lot of pressure on the guys to make sure that both people in the relationship are growing spiritually.

In addition to physical boundaries, there should be some spiritual boundaries prior to marriage as well. Fully leading a woman spiritually will create an eternal bond that if separated could leave two people extremely broken. This doesn’t justify spiritual stagnation as the male, but an encouragement to grow all the more.

I have led Taylor by independently growing in my relationship with Jesus.
A good leader is a servant leader, and I plan on doing so for the rest of my life.

 

 

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Q8. How do you respect Taylor physically during such a long relationship?

A8. My true expression of love for Tay comes through patience. How can I say I truly love her if I am not consistently respecting the boundaries we have established from an early age?

Q9. Have you ever struggled with insecurities or jealousy, and how did you deal with that?

A9. Early on in the relationship I was insecure about not being adequate, causing quite a bit of jealousy. I would hyper-analyze every interaction Taylor had with another male and immediately attribute that to my inadequacy. I remember talking with Tay and asking her all these questions and bringing up the fact that she interacted with certain guys and she said, “Luke. Trust me. Stop being jealous because it’s only harming us.” Although her bluntness took me off guard, it helped me realize I was overthinking it.

My jealousy dissipated as I came to understand the fullness of love Tay and I shared. There was absolutely no reason to feel insecure.

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Q10. How do you deal with past sin or current sin in your life? 


A10.
I’ve had a fair amount of guilt and shame attached to past sin which has made it difficult for me to “deal” with it. That being said, I have gone to Scripture, prayed, gone to a pastor and counseling to seek wisdom. The more you hide your past, the more difficult it becomes to focus growing spiritually in your present. I knew that I had a lot to address with God and Tay before I was spiritually prepared to propose. It was difficult and very humbling, but I can say that because of my love for Tay and the growth in my relationship with Christ, I have been set free. I would encourage any guys out there who are struggling, to seek out accountability from someone who is older and wiser who can spiritually mentor you. Do not let it go undealt with.

 

Q11. How did you know Taylor was the one?

A11. I knew Tay was the one when she ordered 4 tacos from Taco Bell and saved one for me, ha! But in all seriousness, I knew she was the one without a shadow of doubt after nearly losing her during the hardest point in our relationship. I think you come to fully realize what you have right before losing them forever. I couldn’t ever let her go! PS she still gives me bites/lets me finish her food 6 years later and that’s a big bonus.

 Q12. How do you bring up time frame for engagement/marriage to your girlfriend?

A12. If she is anything like Tay, you won’t have to LOL. I’d say it’s important to ask questions and clearly communicate intentions to gage where she’s at. Don’t beat around the bush! It doesn’t have to be a scary conversation. It can be light and informative. Just keep in mind that the girl will go and call all her friends and her mom and quote you word for word so yeah, good luck.

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Q13. Were you nervous to propose and how did you go about planning that? 

 A13. Long story short- I had been planning it in the back of my mind for MONTHS prior to actually having a date for the proposal. I got the ring about a month before I proposed, and she somehow had no idea. I hid it in my bathroom behind paper towels, then in my closet behind a sleeping bag, and then in my storage room in a shoe box. I changed the location every few days, just in case she got wind that it was hidden somewhere in my room. Thankfully she just happened to go out of town for a week prior to the engagement so I had time to run around town to prepare. I was nervous the day of to propose to her and I couldn’t eat, BUT I knew what the answer would be. I was nervous on the surface but internally at peace with everything. There is so much adrenaline and excitement because you’ve spent so long preparing for it that your nerves freak out. I can’t lie I was pretty impressed with myself. Taylor’s second favorite thing in the world next to surprises is ruining surprises. So I am impressed she had no idea. And I can read Taylor very well, and I know she had NO clue. She was BAWLING to me the night before because we weren’t engaged. HAHA

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Q14. What advice would you give to your younger self? 

A14. Don’t be consumed so heavily with what others think of you. Dedicate yourself to the Lord. Find intimate relationship with Jesus, it’s not hard! I used to think I’d mature in my faith automatically as I got older, but it was only when I learned to depend on the Word of God and count on Him to give me my next breath that I found growth. Also, relax kid. You’re gonna be fine.

Thanks for reading,
Luke

*All photos taken and edited by Tay Ruth 

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