Engagement is mysterious, sought after, dreamt of, longed for, and desired by many.
I wanted to share a couple of things that surprised me the most about engagement. I am currently engaged to my high school sweet heart, Luke Welgoss. We have been dating for 6 years and engaged since May 6, 2018.
But before I start listing those things… I thought I was going to get engaged every birthday since I turned 19. Every birthday I was convinced Luke was going to propose. HA! He ended up proposing when I was 22, 2 weeks after my birthday so, I was very much surprised.
I dreamt of getting engaged and so badly desired for that time to come.
Okay friends, huddle around, and let’s talk!
So this list is what I have been either surprised by, noticed, or realized during engagement season:
No one really talks about engagement time. People just talk about the proposal. The only other thing really spoken about is the “wedding planning.” But there’s much more during this season…you’re preparing to move in with your future spouse, having to figure out finances, spiritually preparing for your new role, and more.
all of ya’ll huddling around to hear these mysteries
Engagement season is sooo nostalgic.
Seriously. Randomly I will think about how I won’t be a “Shuler” anymore and I cry. It’s not because I don’t want to be a “Welgoss.” It’s just this weird transition that no one really talks about. But there’s something beautiful about it as well. It reminds me of Christ and the Church. When we marry and our name changes, it’s not always easy. Sometimes it’s emotional. And sometimes it’s nostalgic, but there’s also incredible joy that comes along with it, as well as a sense of pride knowing you have a new name. Much like becoming a believer and being in love with Christ, we have to start living a life with our new name that is not marked by our past. But sometimes it’s painful and hard to move forward. Not because we don’t want to, but because we are leaving behind what we’ve once known. But it’s precious and worth the change of your name.
The amount of times people ask you about how wedding planning is going. I get asked this question more than the amount of times people ask where I wanted to go to college, what I’m majored in, and all of those typical conversation starters.
I always thought that my relationship with Luke wouldn’t change the moment we got engaged.
I just assumed it would stay the same because we had been dating for so long! But it did change. We became immensely more comfortable with one another. This comes with so many pros, but also a lot of cons! Like for example, I feel more at peace and comforted by his presence, and feel protected when he’s with me. But then also, find myself snapping at him more and getting irritated quickly. Commitment suddenly becomes real and you realize your actions, words, and reactions are a choice.
People ask if they will be invited to the wedding and or ask if they can bring their friends.
I wish everyone could come, truly. We both want a more intimate wedding, but also desire for everyone to be there. So, that can be challenging. And, oh my goodness, weddings can be VERY expensive. Both Luke and I have big families, too. This part never gets easier and yet we have to focus on glorifying God, focus on our love for each other, and our families. Every bride knows this struggle. Now looking back on any weddings I wasn’t invited to, that I thought I would be, I have a greater understanding. I would rather the bride and groom be able to invite a relative who is blood related and close in relation, rather than inviting me. That doesn’t devalue my friendship with them because I completely understand that choice. However, I still want my friends there- SO CHALLENGING.
Everyone and their mother, and their dog, and their great aunt, and great great uncle, church friends, and cats give their opinions on when your wedding should be, or where, or how it should be done. WOW, I was not prepared for this. And I love that so many people want to give their thoughts, but it can become sooo overwhelming. I have to breathe and remind myself that the point of the wedding is to glorify the Lord and marry Luke. That’s what matters. It really doesn’t matter what our wedding date is, what our venue looks like, or the flavor of the cake. It doesn’t matter if “so-and-so” doesn’t like the idea of this-or-that, or if “so-and-so” thinks you shouldn’t do something this way, or that way. You get the point. 🙂
Plenty of people go through this and not many people talk about it. I know Luke is the one I want to marry, but the enemy loves to feed my mind with doubts. People have doubts about whether they are prepared to be a wife/husband. Doubts on timing, doubts on whether this is God’s plan, or who knows what?! It happens. It’s such a crazy feeling being engaged and realizing how much comes with preparing yourself to be a husband or wife. Whenever doubts fill my mind, I pray immediately. I remember 1.) I’m glorifying the Lord. 2.) Im marrying Luke freakin’ Welgoss. 3.) Communicate with Luke. Talking to your significant other helps! Odds are they too have experienced it or they can comfort you. This has only drawn Luke and myself closer to one another. We are able to pray, read scripture, and comfort one another. Praying brings so much peace. Additionally, whenever I get worried about whether I’m ready to be a wife, I remember the rainbow from our engagement. God’s promise is GOOD, and I will choose to glorify Him. I’m realizing I may never be “ready” for anything, but thankfully through His strength, He will guide me. Sometimes there is a lack of peace or discernment from God that shouldn’t be ignored. But sometimes the enemy can fill our minds with lies to discourage us or put down. God will never make you feel this way. This doesn’t align with scriptures or who God is, so pray for wisdom when it comes to doubt vs. discernment from Him.
Fiancé is a very strange word.
It sounds so fancy. I also mourned the loss of being able to call Luke my boyfriend. He was my boyfriend for 6 years. But also MEGA excited about calling him my husband.
Fear of losing someone you love immensely. Obviously growing up you never want to lose your family or your friends. But suddenly knowing that I will be marrying Luke has made me pray many prayers of protection over him. However, this has taught me an important lesson in trusting God, that whatever happens, we both belong to Him and He will care for us. Getting engaged introduces an understanding that this person is my family now, and I don’t ever want to lose him/her. I think in the back of my mind, I realize this isn’t a new fear, but it’s been brought to the surface again during engagement. Sometimes I experience nightmares. In many ways, I think my mind is trying to sort through those fears and thoughts in my mind while I sleep. But when I wake up, I know that God is good, and no matter what, God is more powerful than my nightmares and He is in control.
Loans and Finances and Debt, Oh My.
Luke is much wiser than me when it comes to finances. He’s saving for our retirement and honestly I’ve never thought about retirement? (Yikes. Sorry to anyone who is super good with money). He seeks wisdom from his father, my father, our friends who are wise with their finances, and well, I am usually sending him links to things saying, “can I get this?” And then quickly reminding him, “oh wait- I shouldn’t have asked you. John Luke told me to buy anything and everything when I’m not married because suddenly you will always have to go through your spouse once you’re married.” We both laugh every time that’s mentioned, and we’re already experiencing that. That was a random piece of advice John Luke jokingly/seriously told us when we were dating. That joke/serious remark has been a leading cause for many of our battles when it comes to my impulse buys, ha.
Pinterest is wonderful, but not always realistic.
Don’t base your dreams off of this. Think about who you and your spouse are and what makes you both special. Then use Pinterest as a tool or mood board, but don’t set unrealistic expectations. This will make it all easier and special to you!
People ask you when you want to start having kids.…
Guys. The question of “what’s next” never stops no matter what season you’re in! I didn’t realize this would be so immediate, haha! At our engagement party someone asked me, “What are you using for birth control? When do you want to have kids?” And I was like woah, I’ve never even spoken about this with Luke! So many questions are asked. These questions surprised me…so, now that I’ve told you- don’t be surprised by this, haha!
Yes. They’re real. And normal. But- just breathe. Whatever seems like a big deal right now, when it comes to the wedding planning or emotions, will all work out and be FINE!!! Just take a bath, breathe, drink coffee or tea, use essential oils, ask your fiancé to give you a back massage, ask your family to hug you or hype you up…go shopping with your girlfriends for your honeymoon and get cute pj’s or a pretty dress to just have fun. Seriously that last piece of advice is SO fun and helps a lot.
The transition of spiritual covering… You’re most likely going from being under your father’s covering, or family’s, to your soon to be spouse. And wow. Sometimes my spirit feels sensitive. Thinking about this can make me feel weird or emotional. But something I’ve noticed is that whenever I talk with Luke he immediately brings me back to Christ. He loves me and calms me down. Luke is pursuing Christ before me, and Christ is our ultimate covering. Plus, our families are still our families. We will always be a part of them and love them. We’re just starting another little family within our big family. I don’t know if this is making sense, but maybe if you’re engaged, have been engaged, or you are getting engaged soon, you will understand?
Well, those are just a few of the things that have surprised me about being engaged.
Engagement season is incredibly special and I don’t want to rush it. I love being engaged to Luke. This season, although strange and new, and sort of a “bridge season,” has been such a good one. Luke is an amazing person and he has pursued me more than ever before. I was always nervous that the pursuit would stop once I was engaged or married to whomever I was going to marry…but it hasn’t been that way with Luke. He has randomly brought me flowers, bought me small gifts, written me love notes, rubbed my feet, and basically served me SO much. I feel greatly loved and I’m can’t wait to be his wife.
If you have been engaged, or you’re currently engaged, I would love to hear what surprised you about engagement season. And if you’re soon-to-be-engaged, I’m curious to hear your thoughts on this all soon!